Deadlands

Deadlands, Dealdlands: The Weird West and all logos are owned by SOMEONE, pardner!

"AH! He's Dead!" "AH! HE'S ALIVE!!!"

Submitted by Ray

In a nice game of Deadlands, the group (A Snake Oil Salesman with a Buffalo Rifle, and a Mad Scientist with a double-barreled, lever-action shotgun), were trying to save this little girl who had gotten trapped in a graveyard.

Needless to say, the 'yard was full of Zombies. Anyhow, after falling flat on his face, the Mad Scientist got up, and went face to face with a rather UGLY zombie (Like there are any cute ones?). The zombie roared at him, trying to scare him into running away.

The Mad Scientist only roared back... Spooking the ZOMBIE into running away in terror!!!

"Circle the Wagons!"

Submitted by Ray C.

In a game of Deadlands that I was GMing, a Snake Oil Salesman and a Mad Scientist were traveling through Sioux territory... Big mistake.

Suddenly, every Sioux warrior with a hard-on against the White Man were upon them!

SOS: "CIRCLE THE WAGONS!!!" MS: "How the HELL do we circle TWO wagons???"

They got out, of course... And never pissed off an Indian again.

"Get Up!"

Submitted by Rando Patton

A while ago while playing Deadlands: The Weird West game one of my best freinds, Mike, played a gritty Texas Ranger. Once, while being pursued by a Los Dioblos (a cross between a demonic bull and a Sherman Tank), the critter had cornered the Ranger in a small town, busting right thru the wall of the cafe.

The Ranger felt the icy grip of fear as his trusty .44 pistol bullets bounced right off the armored behemoths hide...taking multiple injuries from its razor hooves and barbed horns. The Ranger was tossed behind the bar, and noticed a '73 winchester rifle. Getting up and drawing a bead on the hellbeast's red eyes, he proceeded to blast away at the beast. Rolling incredibly luckily, my freind Mike, playing the Ranger well and very intensly and almost losing his beloved character, told me that instead of finishing the abomination, he told me that his character walked slowly up to the wounded beast, knowing that it could get up and finish him off at any second, cocked the rifle and said in his most gravely voice worthy of Clint:

"Git up...!"

Now I have seen players kill off gods and 'things that should not be', many times some causally deliver a death blow, search for treasure and deliver a quip or two, or others having their characters litteraly pummled into a quivering ooze bitterly and efficently finish off their foes. Mike had his character thrashed right in front of him by this very dangerous beast, bet his whole character's life and his reputation on an inititive roll.

He won the initiative roll and shot the varmit dead, a'twixt the eyes. He won the fight and a whole lot more that nite than anyone ever did defeating Orcus by a die roll. He won the fight with a gritty phrase and a passel load of guts. I will remember that for many a time to come. That's what I game for.

"YER THE DEVIL!!!"

Submitted by Ray

Once again, a nice game o' Deadlands... The groups Snake Oil Salesman, tired of waiting for the Mad Scientist who wanted to do some inventin' (Actually, the player couldn't make it), went out and tried to make a bit of cash in the wonderful Metropolous of Jovenville, Kansas... Population: 58.

While goin' on his triade about his current (and almost completely useless) concoction, a voice from the back of the crowd called, "YER THE DEVIL!!!".

Asking who said that, I had the SOS roll, and... "It's a very old man with no teeth rocking in a chair, pointing towards you."

Turns out he says that to everyone and everything (Although, he loved calling the player's horses the devil alot for some reason...).

Later on, when the return villian, a demonically possessed Indian Shaman, came to town, the old geezer did his thing... "YER THE DEVIL!!!"

"Yes, I am." Was the reply.

"Knew I'd get it right one of these days." Was the final words on the geezers breath, as he died.

We're Getting the Hell Out of Dodge... NOW!!!

Submitted by Ray

In the wonderous world of Deadlands, the Posse Doctors (Snake Oil Salesman and a Mad Scientist) just finished killing a particular troublesome monster that was rampaging through the streets of Dodge, apparently bulletproof. After he died, this scene happened (Note: I'm the GM):

Me: "And so the monster dies, and the workhorse falls on him, and there was much rejoycing!" SOS: "We're getting our stuff, and leaving."
Me: "But the adoring villagers are coming to take you up on their shoulders!"
MS: "We're getting out stuff, and getting the hell out of Dodge."
Me: "They're offering you money in gratitude for saving them!"
SOS: "We grab the money, our stuff, and getting out of here!"
Me: "They offer you free T-Shirts!"
MS: "We grab the money, the T-shirts, our stuff, and leaving!!!"
Me: "Many beautiful women..."
SOS: "We can stay another night."

A Wild ride in the Weird West

Submitted by Ray

Well, this is one for the records! The group (A Mad Scientist with a Steam Wagon and a really funky shotgun, and a Snake Oil Salesman with a Sharps) had just found out what happens when a 6lbs. hi-ex shell meets up with the new Pony Express Steam Velocipedes! (Steam Powered Motorcycles!). Anyhow, after rescuing the legless guy in the sidecar (Who had the package), they found themselves under fire!

The "Not-So-Good-Doctor" (Which is what I call the SOS), had the presence of mind to whip his poor green and yellow horses (Painted by a magical practical joker) into running. The "Not-So-Sane-Doctor" (MS, what else?) decided to show off the advantages of science!

MS: "I want to make the tires spin!!!" His words exactly.
Me: "Fine, just roll good." I said, picking up the 20-sider. He rolled OK, I got a 20. This means that a problem has occured with the steamwagon, another roll told me it was a major one. "Are you SURE you want the tires to spin?"
MS: "Ya!"
Me: "OK..." *I have to think about this for a second* "OK, as you read what you later find out to be a faulty presure guage, you calculate the proper amount of steam you should let out to recieve maximum traction, and get that funky gravel blast behind you! As you pull back the stick, however, you watch as the safety valves open all the way in such a violent manner that they spin off with a *Ping Ping Ping*!!!"
MS: "I PUSH THE STICK FORWARDS!"
Me: "Too late, oh yes, the tires DO spin, TOO MUCH! You watch as the front end of the neon pink steam wagon (Same joker) lifts up, and, suddenly blasts away at an INSANE speed!!! You, and the legless guy (Later named "Lt. ’Stumpy’ Dan" of Forrest Gump fame) have to hold on to the church bench that serves as the front seat for dear life!!!"
SOS: "Heh. Wild West Pimpmobile going FLYIN’!!!"
Me: "Aw, did I forget to mention that he’s right behind you as he lands???" *Rolls for Horses guts and BOTH go bust! They is spooked GOOD!* "Looks like ANOTHER PERSON is going on a wild ride!"

The SOS then went to fail his Teamster roll, so the horses are weaving all over the Praries (They were in Kansas) like they were being controlled by a drunk (Which they were, but he had no control.)

Anyhow, they finally got stopped before they hit the Pony Express building on a hill (Tallest point in Kansas, eight entire feet!), but the ride had one advantage... The 6lbs. cannons couldn’t even THINK about trying to target them!